Being a Grown Up-Help Wanted

I am in the middle of creating a new resume for myself. I would liken the experience to trying on a bathing suit or trying to find a new bra. I am not any good at tooting my own horn and have a really hard time trying to make myself look good on paper (unless it is a paper collage of some sort, and yes a mixed medium format has crossed my mind). I have checked out dozens of "how too" books, I have been on line for samples. I have looked up "artist bio", "artist statement" on line self help resume sites...thus far to no avail. I am off to a one hour class at a local church this afternoon in hope of some enlightenment. Resumes seem like one of those seriously grown up and be responsible things, like making out a will. I guess my frame of mind is obvious, thank goodness tomorrow is another day! LOL